The Worst Hell Is Where They Sing
by Captain Oz
Summary: This is why you should never trust Moony's ideas, or allow Padders to carry out a prank. Slashy stuff, SBRL. Lots of singing and stuff.
1. Chapter 1

**Ok, so I quite like this fic. But it needs more slash. Sorry if you don't like it, but more people like it than don't. There's gonna be slashy innuendo, building up to lots of slash later. If I ever get round to writing that.**

**If you read this and think- oh, I've read this before- that's the point. I'm rewriting it. Coz I'm bored and don't want to do my Law.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own a thing. The song in this chapter is Meet the Gang. It used to be the theme tune to a 70s sitcom, It Ain't Half Hot Mum. The song fits, so blah.**

In the dark kitchen, dark doings were afoot. Well, maybe not dark. Slightly shadowy. Not really evil, as such. The worst mischief makers in the history of Hogwarts, more commonly known as the Marauders, were carrying out a prank. And it was only the first night of term. However, it was their last year, so according to their logic more pranks are allowed to take place. Slightly twisted logic.

"Careful, Padfoot," hissed Remus. "That took ages to make."

"I know, Moony. Trust me." Sirius flashed a winning smile, despite the fact no one could see him.

"That's the problem. I don't."

Sirius would have retorted, quite strongly, but at that point James prodded him in the ribs. "Pour the thing in, and we can go."

"Oh, Jamesie's developed a conscience now that he's Head Boy."

"Shut it Padders, and pour. Just remember, it goes into the pumpkin juice and water of every table except Gryffindor. I don't need that."

As Sirius poured the potion (because that's what it was) Peter piped up (I love alliteration). "What, exactly, will this do?"

"Make everyone sing as if they were in a musical, embarrassing themselves beyond belief in the process. And it's all thanks to Mr Moony." Remus bowed at James' words.

"Oh, and Mr Padfoot had no part in it, I suppose?" Sirius said angrily. "Only actually finding all the ingredients, and helping make it for fifteen bloody hours-"

"Just pour," James said, prodding Sirius again. Unfortunately this meant he spilled some of the potion into the Gryffindor drink. No one else seemed to notice, so Sirius grinned. So long as he remembered not to drink anything tomorrow, he'd be fine, and could sit back while watching his friends embarrass themselves.

"Finished." He slipped his arms through those of Remus and Peter. "Come on Remmie, Pete. Let's let Jamesie-poo get back to his darling Lily." He skipped off, dragging the other two with him. James swore half-heartedly at Sirius' back, then trudged up to his dorm.

---

Remus picked at his toast, smiling at his friend across the table. "Come on, Padders. Cheer up. It's morning."

"Exactly why is that a good thing?" Sirius' head was resting on the table. He turned it slightly to glare blearily (is that actually possible?). "They execute people at dawn. No one wants to live at six am."

"Just because you're a lazy sod, Black, doesn't mean everyone is." Lily Evans sat next to Remus, smiling at him. "Morning, Remus."

"Morning, Lily. Congratulations on being Head Girl."

"Ta. Only bad thing is Potter being Head Boy. Actually, I'm surprised it wasn't you."

Remus shrugged awkwardly. "Prongs has grown up a lot in the past few years. And I'm ill a lot." He grabbed his cup and drank quickly to avoid further embarrassment. He stared at the cup in amazement. "This is great. Padders, drink. It'll wake you up, promise."

Sirius drank. This was of course a very stupid thing to do, and under normal circumstances… well, he would probably have still done it, because he was quite forgetful. But we'll blame it on the sleep, or lack thereof.

"_Meet the gang, coz the boys are here_," sang the Slytherin table. Not the actual table, the people sitting there.

"_The boys to entertain you_," crooned the Hufflepuffs, pointing at random.

"_With music and laughter, to help you on your way_," was the Ravenclaw contribution.

"_To raising the rafters with a hey, hey, hey_," sang the ghosts as they rose to the roof.

"_With songs, and sketches, and jokes old and new_," warbled the Gryffindors, determined not to be neglected.

"_With us about, you won't feel blue_," carolled the teachers.

Everyone united for the final lines, while tap-dancing house elves appeared from nowhere. "_So! Meet the gang, coz the boys are here, the boys to entertain you! B, O, B O Y S, boys to entertain you_!"

From their finish positions on the table, arms in the air, Remus glared at Sirius. "You are a dead man singing."

**Ta da! OMG, I am so strange. At the mo, Lily hates Jamesie-poo. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Shalalalala, I'm here! Right, in this one we have Reviewing The Situation from the musical Oliver, Follow Me by Uncle Kraker, Minor Thing by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Congratulations by someone and Is This The Way To Amarillo by Tony Christie. I own nowt. You really don't need to have heard of the songs to read this… or to review! Come on, it takes just a little time and you make me very very happy…**

Sirius pushed his hair back from his face and looked at his friends, who were glaring at him. "What? Blame Prongs. He nudged me, therefore I have no responsibility. Also, this makes a good alibi. Who'd do something like this to themselves?"

"Oh, I don't know. An idiot by the name of Sirius Black?" James asked sarcastically. "Why did you drink it, prat?"

Sirius nodded. "Again, that was not my fault. Moony got me up too early."

"Early?" Remus said incredulously. "It was eight o'clock!"

"Exactly. No one gets up that early."

They could hear Professor Dumbledore coming up the corridor. "Don't worry, Minerva. _I'm reviewing, dumbedumdedum, the situation_…"

"He has rather a good voice, really-" Sirius stopped when he saw the glares he was being sent.

Professor Dumbledore came capering up the corridor (yes, capering- try it some time and see what an idiot you look). He stopped in front of the Marauders and looked down at them. "Would you care to explain why the school keeps on randomly bursting into song?"

The Marauders looked at each other. An awful lot was said with those glances. "It was me, Professor." Remus stood.

"And me." Sirius followed suit. "The other two had nothing to do with it."

Professor Dumbledore surveyed them over the top of his half moon spectacles, his eyes twinkling. Then he nodded. "Very well. You two, _follow me, everything is all right. I'll be the one to tuck you in at night. Want to leave? I can guarantee, won't find nobody else like me_."

Sirius smiled as the stairs moved beneath them. "I love Dumbledore's office," he whispered.

"Padfoot, this is hardly supposed to be a treat."

"Don't care. It is."

"You'd never guess you're nearly eighteen."

Sirius gasped and grabbed his chest. "Moony, your words wound me."

They arrived at the office. Dumbledore swept into the room and sat behind his desk, steepling his hands in front of him. "Please explain, Mr Black."

Sirius took a deep breath. "_I changed the key from C to D, you see to me it's just a minor thing, y'all_."

Remus sang from the corner of his mouth. "_He knows everything_."

Sirius ignored him. "_To readjust you've gotta trust that all the fuss is just a minor thing y'all_."

"_He knows everything_!"

Dumbledore coughed. "As wonderful as your singing is, it may be easier if you were to write it down. Mr Lupin?"

Remus carefully wrote a note in his flowing script and passed it to his headmaster, who read parts of it out. "Potion… carpe nox… lykaios powder… kawaii leaves… 32 butterfly wings… all singing… all dancing…" He chuckled slightly. "Firstly, _congratulations, and celebrations_… This was a difficult potion to make. Secondly, this potion is semi permanent. It won't wear off for a year."

"What?" The two boys stared, aghast. Then Sirius turned on Remus.

"You didn't tell me that! I don't want to sing for the rest of the year!"

"You think I do? I didn't know about this! And anyway, if you hadn't put the potion into the wrong drinks we wouldn't have this problem!"

Dumbledore cleared his throat gently. "Boys. Arguing will not change the fact that there is nothing we can do. I will make the announcement at lunchtime." The two Marauders would swear that Dumbledore seemed to be enjoying it. "I believe you have Transfiguration now." He nodded. "Goodbye."

Downstairs, James and Peter were waiting for them. "Well? How'd it go?"

Sirius snarled, "Brain of Britain here forgot to see how long it would take for the potion to wear off."

Remus growled. "It's your fault we're stuck like this. _I_ didn't put it in our drinks."

James held up a hand. "Hang on. How long does it last?"

"One year."

Sirius nodded, mock sympathetic. "Bang goes any chance you had with Lily. Once she hears you singing, she'll run into the arms of the giant squid."

"Oi!" James would have disembowelled Sirius there and then, if it weren't for a first year timidly appearing.

"I'm sorry, but could you tell me _is this the way to Amarillo? Every night I've been hugging my pillow, dreaming dreams of Amarillo, and sweet Marie who waits for me_…" The five boys trooped off down the corridor, swinging their arms in time to the music.

**I'm notorious for short chapters. V v sorry, but would you rather have short moderate chapters, or long rubbish ones? Answers on the back of a postcard please. Most of the songs will be very random. If you have any you'd like to see, please tell me and I'll stick them in. I have a whole year to use up here…**

**If you read, please review. It only takes a minute, and it makes a certain weirdo (e.g. me) very happy!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Right, songs I don't own this chapter. The Unicorn (Irish song), Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (pic of that on my wall!), How Bizarre by OMC, Can't Get You Out Of My Head by Kylie Minogue, Romeo by Basement Jaxx, Laura by the Scissor Sisters and Can You Feel the Love Tonight- movie version. Because it's magic, the songs can come from any time. Yay!**

"I am scarred for life." The Marauders walked across the grounds. James shook his head. "McGonagall… doing a striptease…"

Sirius gesticulated wildly. "Do you mind? I'm trying to repress those memories!"

Remus shrugged. "Ok, maybe this was a bad idea. We should've restricted it to the Slytherins."

Sirius threw his arm around Remus' shoulders. "That's my Moony," he smirked. "Always so good at looking back."

A Care of Magical Creatures was taking place as they walked past. "_A long time ago, when the earth was green, there was more kinds of animals than you've ever seen. They'd run around free, while the earth was being born, and the loveliest of all was the unicorn. Now there was green alligators, and long necked gees, some humpty backed camels and some chimpanzees, some cats and rats and elephants, as sure as you're born, the loveliest of all was the unicorn_."

"Then again," Sirius sighed, his arm still around Remus, "it is kinda cool to see Professor Schwarzenegger singing about 'lovely unicorns'."

The Marauders were going to visit Hagrid. The trip had two motives. Firstly, they liked Hagrid and hadn't seen him for ages. Secondly, they wanted to convince him to give them Firewhiskey. Unfortunately, it started to rain. By rain, I mean that really horrible stuff which actually hurts when it hits you and manages to soak you on contact.

In unspoken agreement they ran to the hut, where they stood and hammered on the door.

"Hagrid! It's us! Let us in!"

"Come on! My hair's gonna go frizzy!" This statement earned Sirius several strange looks.

"_Raindrops keep falling on my head, just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed_…" Remus found a random bicycle propped against the wall and cycled off, still singing. Sirius and James shrugged at each other, and turned back to the door.

"Hang on." James held up a hand for silence. "It sounds like someone's crying. Hagrid? It's me, James."

"Go 'way," came the muffled reply.

Sirius leant against the door. "Come on, Hagrid," he whined. "Moony's gone mad, Wormtail's getting bedraggled and Prongs is a prat. Nothing new, but let me in. Before I too go totally mad. Ow!" This last came as James hit the back of his head.

Behind the door they could hear snufflings and movement as the door was unlocked. James pushed it and gasped at the sight. "Erm, Hagrid…"

The other Marauders piled in, including Remus (minus bike). "Why are you wearing a tutu?"

"The tiara I can understand, but a tutu?" Everyone carefully edged away from Sirius.

Hagrid blushed, making his cheeks match the colour of his tutu. "I dunno. It jus' kinda… happened."

"Bizarre."

"_How bizarre. How bizarre, how bizarre_."

"_Ooh baby_," sang James up high.

"_Ooh baby_."

"_It's making me crazy_," sang James.

"_It's making me crazy_."

"_Every time I look around, every time I look around, every time I look around it's in my face_." James sighed. "Remember: in the future, we never go with Moony's ideas, or trust Padfoot to carry out a prank."

---

It was lunchtime. So far there hadn't been any big songs, although the teachers had executed a mass waltz during dessert. Dumbledore stood, and everyone turned to watch him. "As you may have noticed, something has changed at Hogwarts. Everyone is singing rather more than normal. This state of affairs will continue." He paused, his eyes twinkling.

"I really want to know how he does that," Sirius whispered.

Remus hit him on the thigh. "Shut up, goit."

"You will therefore just have to put up with it. Could the Head Boy and Girl please come to my office now."

James leapt up, eagerly following Lily. When they got into the corridor he moved to walk beside her. "Evans, will you go out with me?"

"No. Potter, why do you keep on asking me, if you know what the answer's gonna be?"

"_La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la_ (yes that is the right amount), _I just can't get you out of my head, girl your loving is all I think about, I just can't get you out of my head, girl it's more than I think you think about_."

Lily stared at him. "Kylie Minogue? Are you sure you're not just asking me out to cover up your sexuality?"

---

James was comfortable. His legs were thrown over one leg of the chair, and he was being nicely warmed by the fire. Peter was lying on the floor, almost catlike. Sirius was lounging opposite James, a book open on his lap.

"R-Moony!" Sirius waved frantically at the portrait hole, and Remus headed for their corner of the room.

He raised an eyebrow. "A book? How did you manage to find the library?"

Sirius shrugged. "Asked a first year."

James watched as Remus sat on Sirius. "So someone who's been here for one day knows where something is better than you do. And you've been here seven years. Poof."

Sirius shifted so that he was leaning against the arm of the chair, allowing Remus to lean against him. "Six years and one day, Mr Moony."

"I do apologise, Mr Padfoot."

"Damn straight, you should feel bloody apologetic. Hey, Maria!" Sirius waved across the room to the girl he'd been dating at the end of the last year. She scowled and walked over.

"_You keep on giving me the hold-up, you know I wish you'd make your mind up, coz what we're getting is just so-so, you used to be my Romeo_," she sang, jabbing her finger in his direction.

"What did I do?" Sirius leapt up, making Remus yelp as he landed on the floor.

"Not one letter did you send me! I wrote to you every day!"

Sirius shrugged. "I was busy sending letters to someone else."

"Fine! I hope she grows a dick, you bastard!" James looked down as Remus sniggered. Maria rushed off in floods of tears.

"Women." Sirius walked to a group of fifth years, and with a winning smile opened his mouth. "_Laura, can't you give me some time? I gotta give myself one more chance, to be the man that I know I am, to be the man that I know I am. Won't you just tell Cincinnati? I'm gonna need your love, don't you give me your love_…"

The girl giggled. "I have no idea who Cincinnati is, but ok."

"Seven o'clock, here, Saturday." She nodded eagerly. Sirius swaggered back to the fire and sat back on his chair, squashing Remus in the process. "Oh, sorry Moony."

"Padfoot," asked Peter, "have you ever been more than a day without a date planned?"

"Yes. There was a week in first year."

"Sirius isn't happy without a girl in every class," Remus muttered.

James leant forward, ignoring Remus' bitter comment. "Now we're on the topic of love lives, what am I gonna do about Evans?"

Sirius shrugged. "Never had a girl turn me down before, mate."

Remus hit his arm. "Be more sensitive, you stupid dog. Prongs, stop calling her Evans. Her name is Lily. Stop asking her out all the time, and be yourself when you're with her. Not the arrogant git you are in public, but how you are with us. You might want to stop hexing people in the corridor as well."

"What!" Sirius sat up, aghast. "What about Snivellus? You can't expect us to stop hexing him just so James can finally get a leg over." Sirius shut up when James' cushion hit him in the face.

"Snivellus is a special case." James stood, an intent look on his face. "Thanks, Moony. See you guys tomorrow."

Sirius hit Remus on the back of the head. "Idiot! _I can see what's happening_."

"What?"

"_And you don't have a clue_."

"Who? Me?"

"_They'll fall in love and here's the bottom line: our quartet's down to three_."

Peter hugged his knees. "_And if she falls in love tonight, it can be assumed, his carefree days with us are history_."

Remus leant his head on Sirius' shoulder. "_In short, our pal is doomed_."

The three Marauders sobbed into each others' arms.


	4. Chapter 4

**Found the pieces of paper with this on today, and thought I'd write another chapter while waiting for Edwin to think about Seeing. Did you know, I've been in the Best Loos in Wales? Wow, I feel so special…**

**What makes me feel specialer is the fact that my friend's drawing me slashy pics for Christmas! But I don't get them till New Year. **

**Songs- Cap'n Said To Me (cool song I learnt aged eight), I Dreamed A Dream from Les Mis, It Wasn't Me by Shaggy, Now I'm Here by Queen, Something by the Beatles and You've Got To Hide Your Love Away also by the Beatles. **

"Exactly where are we going, Professor?"

"_We're going this way, that way, forwards and backwards, over the Irish Sea. A bottle of rum to fill my tum, now that's the life for me!_" Professor McGonagall finished by slapping her thigh. She then walked off.

"And that answers my question," Sirius muttered.

All of the Gryffindor seventh years were being taken out of the castle for the afternoon. No one knew why, or where they were going. James was using the opportunity to talk to Lily.

"Lily, do you know why we're going out?"

She looked askance at him. "No, Potter. Why are you talking to me?"

"Because we're Head Boy and Girl. We ought to get on. And don't worry, I'm not going to ask you out.

"Oh." They walked on in silence for a few moments. Very awkward.

"Seen any good films lately?"

"How do you know about films?"

James shrugged. "Remus dragged us to one a few summers ago. Sirius was convinced that the big people were going to come out and eat him. Ever since then, I've watched as many as I can in the holidays."

"At the cinema?"

"At home on a visitelion. Moony and I go to the cinema when we're round his, but then he has to make it up to Padders by going for a ride on the motorbike."

Lily pushed a piece of hair behind her ear. "They don't take you?"

"Nah, you can only fit two people on it. Sirius took me out once, but it's those two who go out a lot."

Lily frowned. "They seem so different, but I guess they really like each other's company."

"They understand each other. They have deep conversations, but if it's all three of us we talk about dreams."

Lily's face lit up, and James swore inwardly- a song was coming.

"_I dreamed a dream in days gone by, when hope was high and life worth living. I dreamed that love would never die, I dreamed that God would be forgiving._" She stopped, and looked embarrassed. "Sorry. I wish I knew who'd done this. I'd wring their neck and then feed them kangaroo balls."

James' eyes widened. "Umm… isn't that a bit strong?"

"No," she said savagely. "They deserve everything they get. Why? Potter, was it you?"

"No!" he said quickly. "It's really advanced Potions, and you know I'm rubbish at it."

"Hmm." She still looked suspicious, so James dropped back to talk to Sirius and Remus.

They seemed to be arguing, talking in swift whispers. As James reached them, he heard Remus exclaim, "Over my dead body are you telling him!"

"Telling who what?" James slung an arm around each of their shoulders.

Remus blushed, and Sirius smiled cockily. "Remus and I have this majorly big secret, and I want to tell everyone, but he won't let me."

James clucked his tongue. "Well, don't tell Lily, or she'll wring your neck and feed you kangaroo balls."

"What!" Remus and Sirius both stopped dead, their faces pale. Remus' eyes were more amusing, looking like they were about to pop out, pick up canes and start tap dancing.

"Oh, don't worry. She doesn't know it's you who did the prank."

Remus sighed. "The prank, that's why she'd kill me. Shit, she wants to kill me."

"Oh Remmikins, that's the strongest language I've ever heard you use." Sirius tried to look scandalised, but merely ended up looking constipated.

"You, shut it. It's your fault just as much as it is mine. And do you really want an angry Lily Evans after you?" Leaving Sirius to gibber in fear, Remus turned to James. "Of course, it's in your best interests to stop her finding out."

"How'd you work that one out?"

"Come on. Your two best friends? In a prank? She'll never believe you had nothing to do with it."

Professor McGonagall clapped her hands for attention. "Right! Everyone over here, please!" They'd arrived. It was a bit of forest. Nothing else you could say about it really. "I know you all went to know why you're here ("Damn straight," muttered Sirius). Last year you were unable to take your Apparition test, thanks to the entire examining team getting covered in warts at the first test." James and Sirius looked down at their feet, whistling 'It Wasn't Me'. "You will therefore be taking the test now."

Remus immediately began to bite his fingernails. "I'm going to fail, I know it."

Sirius grabbed his wrist. "Stop it. You'll be fine. Just remember the three Ds: Destination, Determination, and Deliberation!" When Remus started to laugh hysterically, Sirius patted him on the back nervously, his eyes wide.

James sidled over to where Lily was standing. "It's ok, Lily."

The redhead gazed at him anxiously. "But we've had no time to revise."

"You're the smartest witch in our year."

Lily narrowed her eyes and put her hand on her hip. "Are you trying to flatter me, Potter?"

"No! I'm trying to reassure you!"

She prodded him in the chest. "Back off."

"Black, Sirius." Sirius smirked and walked forward. "You will Apparate to the front of the Three Broomsticks tavern. Is that understood?"

Sirius nodded. "_Here I stand. Look around, around, around… But you won't see me. Now I'm here, now I'm there, I'm just a…_"

---

The Marauders lay on their beds. Well, three of them did. James was dreaming (most probably of Lily, judging by the wistful smile on his face), Remus was already revising for their exams in May, and Peter was consoling himself for not passing his Apparition test. By eating lots of chocolate.

As can be readily deduced from this list, Sirius was missing. As it was a Saturday night, their second since they'd been back from the holidays, he was on a date. With Laura. He'd had to delay their first one, because Remus had been 'indisposed' with his furry little problem, and Padfoot couldn't miss that.

"Moony," Peter asked, "where do odd socks go?"

"Odd sock land."

A pillow flew across the room, rather surprised to be disturbed from its sedentary existence. "I'm being serious."

"So am I." Remus bit the end of his quill, ending up with a lot of ink around his mouth (he forgot to check which end of the quill it was). "All the odd socks migrate to this planet far away, where they live a life of ease without the threat of shoes to confine them. There's also a part of their world set off for lost pens."

"So how do they get there?"

"Washing machines are actually interdimensional portals."

"They're whats?"

The door to the dorm banged opened as Sirius entered, swaying slightly. "Spread the news, the studmuffin of Hogwarts is no longer available." He fell onto Remus' bed, disturbing all the notes spread across the cover.

James sat up, finally taking an interest in the conversation. "Are you gonna get serious with that Laura chick?"

A look of amusement flashed across Sirius' face. "Nah. There is someone I'm serious about, but they won't let me tell."

James was sure he didn't imagine Sirius and Remus staring at each other for a few seconds, but when he blinked they were both laughing. "How serious are you?"

"_You're asking me will my love grow? I don't know, I don't know. You stick around, now it may show. I don't know, I don't know… _But I do know I'm head over heels."

"Aw, bless ickle Siri."

Sirius stuck out his tongue at Remus. James began to sing softly. "_Hey! You've got to hide your love away. Hey! You've got to hide your love away._"

Remus gasped, and brought his hand to his face.

"Moony? What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He brushed it across his eyes, and smiled shakily. "It's just that song."

"What about it? I don't know it."

"It's done by the Beatles, a muggle band. John Lennon wrote it about their manager, coz he was gay and that was illegal at the time."

Sirius reached up and touched Remus' cheek, before snatching his hand away. "Why's that so sad?"

"Well, he killed himself a bit later." Remus stood, and walked into the bathroom.

Sirius followed him in there.

**Oh, I got serious. Sorry, but that song was playing and I had to put it in there. Happy Christmas everyone!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Well, I should be revising. But seeing as I spent my GCSE revision time writing Seeing, and got good results, I'm trying to repeat the pattern. I now have soooo many DVDs to watch- I bought Rocky Horror Picture Show and Life of Brian, and the day before it was Withnail and I and Butch Cassidy. Hee hee… I was naughty, spending my money. And then I bought manga… And it snowed!Yay!**

**Songs- Pretty Woman by Roy Orbison, Don't Stop Me by Queen, Friends Will Be Friends again by Queen, Build Me Up Buttercup by The Foundations, and Tequila by The Champs.**

"A toast!" James lifted his glass solemnly. "To Lily, my flower!"

Sirius clinked his glass to James', not noticing that half of the liquid sloshed out onto their hands. "To Lily! My flower!"

As can be seen, they were drunk. It was a party. A birthday party, to celebrate Sirius and Remus turning eighteen. Every Gryffindor seventh year was in the common room, along with most of the sixth year and several people from Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. Peter was snoring on the floor. Most people were slightly tipsy, but Remus was quite sober. He'd drunk a little, operative word being little, and now he was in charge of the drunk Marauders.

"I know what." James leaned forward, his eyes wide. "Let's go speak to Lily!" Sirius nodded slowly. Somehow they managed to pull each other up and stagger across the room, where they were surveyed haughtily over the top of a Budweiser bottle.

"What?"

James saluted. "Miss Evans. Mr Prongs and Mr Padf- Padf- Padders, are pleased to meet you."

"How much have you had to drink?"

"_Pretty woman, won't you pardon me? Pretty woman, couldn't help but see, pretty now you look lovely as can be, are you lonely, just like me?_" James grinned as Sirius growled suggestively.

They were dismissed with a roll of the eyes. "Go away."

The two managed to get across the room and collapse next to Remus' chair. James put his head on one knee, and Sirius took the other one. "She hates me, Remmie."

"Wait until you're not drunk, and then talk to her."

"Do you hate me, Remmie?"

Remus patted James on the head. "No, Jamesie, I love you."

Sirius hit the knee for some attention. "Do you love me?"

"Yes."

Blue eyes gazed hazily. "I love you, too. More than anything."

James tugged at Remus' shoelace. "Which one do you love the most?"

"Me," Sirius said, and lost interest. "I need another drink." James nodded, and they crawled off. Remus jumped up and followed. He wasn't going to let them spill the drink across the floor, which is what would happen if they were left unattended.

He poured out two drinks and handed them out. Then he nearly toppled over, as a dog Animagus was currently clinging to his legs. "Remmie, you're wonderful."

James nudged Sirius aside. "Yer bootiful."

Sirius slapped his friend's hands away and narrowed his eyes. "Go 'way. Rem's mine, no one else allowed to touch him. He's my wonderful beautiful Moony."

"Boys, play nice." Remus knelt down to be on their level. "You can share me."

They grinned, leaning forward to kiss him on the cheeks and push him to the ground. His struggles were pretty much useless, as their combined weights crushed him. Hot kisses, smelling of bitter alcohol, were placed along his jawline, while hands wandered lower and lower along his torso…

"Levicorpus!" The two molestors blinked and giggled in midair.

Standing up, Remus brushed himself off. "Thanks Lily." When they dropped to the floor, James copied Peter and began to snore. An elegant eyebrow was raised on Remus' face. "He can stay there. Unless they can walk, no one's coming up to our dorm." Sirius cackled from his spread out position.

"Oi, Sirius!" someone called. "Sing for us."

He stood, remarkably steady. His inebriation was only betrayed by the way he swayed in the non-existent breeze. "_Tonight, I'm gonna have myself a real good time._" He winked across the room at Remus. "_I feel ali-i-i-ive… and the world is turning inside out, yeah, I'm floating around in ecstasy, so don't- stop- me- now,_" this to Remus, who had opened his mouth, "_don't stop me coz I'm having a good time, having a good time. I'm a shooting star leaping through the sky, like a tiger, defying the laws of gravity. I'm a racing car passing by, like Lady Godiva,_" (images of a naked Sirius rushed through everyone's heads, enjoying the view and settling in to stay) "_I'm gonna go, go, go, there's no stopping me, I'm burning through the sky, yeah, 200 degrees, that's why they call me Mr Fahrenheit._"

"Hot!" someone called. Such a leap of imagination.

"_I'm travelling at the speed of light, I'm wanna make a supersonic man outta you._" He did a little twirl and pointed at Remus, who sank into the nearest chair with his hand over his eyes. "_Don't stop me now! I'm having such a good time, I'm having a ball._" Someone wolf-whistled. "_Don't stop me now! If you wanna have a good time, just give me a call._" He winked, somehow managing to hit on the whole room at once. "_Don't stop me now, don't stop me- I don't wanna stop at all._" Sirius stopped, bowed with a flourish, and cross the room to sit on Remus' lap.

"Merlin, you're heavy."

"Tis all the drink." Sirius leant back until his head was resting on Remus' shoulder. "Rem, I need the loo."

"Then go to the loo."

"Where is it?"

"Up the stairs, where it normally is."

"Oh." There was a short pause. "Can you go for me?"

Remus pushed some of Sirius' hair behind his ear, and repeated the motion on himself. "Don't think it quite works that way."

Sirius nodded. "It does."

On the floor James woke up with a start. "Drink! Feck! Arse!"

Remus quirked an eyebrow. "In what order?"

"Drink first." He knelt up, rubbing his eyes. "Drink with me." Sirius slithered off Remus, who shrugged and followed. It was his party, after all.

He poured out drinks, and was about to take a swig when Sirius stopped him. "Gotta have a toast. Take it in turns."

James lifted his glass. "To the Marauders, and all magical mischief makers, coz we, and they, rock." They downed their drinks, and Remus refilled the glasses.

"To love, which makes us better than animals."

"To Quidditch, best game ever, and Falmouth Falcons, best team ever, no matter what James says."

The aforementioned Head Boy frowned. "I was gonna do that. To… cinema, best muggle invention ever." Sirius shuddered, and Remus patted him on the knee reassuringly.

"To new moon, as far from full moon as possible."

"To pigs, who give us bacon which is ok, and sausages, which are the food of the gods." A nostalgic smiled crossed Sirius' face as Remus refilled the glasses rather unsteadily. He might have been able to hyold his drink, but six successive glass downings can make anyone 'tipsy'.

"To Lily, my angel."

"To American Blue Gum flower, coz it smells luverly."

"To balls… which amuse me when I'm a dog." (What were you dirty minded people thinking about?)

"To Sirius, even though he is a spoilt brat, and Remus, even though he tell me off."

"To James, even though he's an arrogant bastard, and Sirius, even though he irritates me constantly."

"To Remus, even though he won't spend time with me, and James, even though he's obsessed with Lily."

The three of them looked at each other, and hugged, bursting into tears. "_It's not easy love, but you got friends you can trust. Friends will be friends, when you're in need of love they give you care and attention. Friends will be friends, when you're through with life and all hope is lost, hold out your hand coz right till the end, friends will be friends._"

Peter woke up at the end of this, blinking his eyes owlishly. "Huh?"

"Missed the moment, Wormy."

---

The four lounged around, none of them having the capacity to actually sit upright. They thought they were, but then again Sirius also thought that dogs couldn't look up.

"Telling you, they can't. I can't, when I'm Padfoot."

"That's just coz you're an idiot."

"Oo, lookie!" James pointed, and the movement made him topple over onto Peter's legs. "It's Padders's's's ex, the one he dumped!"

Sure enough, stood above them was Laura. She had tears in her eyes, and her mascara had run to give her panda eyes. She glared at them, and began to sing. "_Why do you build me up, buttercup baby, just to let me down? You mess me around, and then worst of all, you never come baby when you say you will, but I love you still. I need you, more than anything baby, I knew that our love from the start… build me up, buttercup, don't break my heart._" She finished hopefully, her hand outstretched towards Sirius.

He stuck out his tongue at her, and giggled. "Nah, don't want you. I got Remsiekins, and Jamesiepoo, and Peteybaby. So," he blew a raspberry, "off."

When she'd run away sobbing up the stairs, Remus poked Sirius in the head. "What she mean by never coming when you said you would?"

James giggled. "Hee hee, Padders got problems in the bedroom!"

"Piss off! I don't love her, and couldn't betray my one true love like that." He stuck his head on one side. "Know what I want now?"

Remus shook his head groggily, trying to get his point across. "Do-d-don't say-"

"Tequila!" Sirius smiled perkily, picking up a bottle and placing it on the table.

Peter mimed a guitar, sitting by the fire. James picked up one of the empty beer cans to use it as a drum, and Remus jumped onto the chair to mime playing a saxophone. "_Tequila_," Sirius said with a wink.

Remus went into a virtuoso solo, an amazing achievement seeing as he didn't actually have an instrument. "_Tequila_."

Now it was James' turn, and he went crazy with his beer can. It ended up halfway across the room when he threw it at the wall. "_Tequila_!"

All four of them picked up their shots and chucked them back.

**Buttercup- that is what happens when you work in a place with singing flowers and too much time on your hands to consider the lyrics. Hee hee…**


	6. Chapter 6

**No one got the dogs can't look up thing. Ah well, it was very random. From one of my fav films! Shaun of the Dead! A rom-zom-com. Hee hee… I have seven (maybe eight) fav films. How bad is that? I can't decide between them.**

**If you haven't already seen it, go to see Brokeback Mountain. I came out of the cinema sobbing. The shirt… oh, the shirt!**

**Wasn't That A Party by the Irish Rovers (my version is, anyway), Toucha Toucha Toucha Touch Me from Rocky Horror, Yesterday by the Beatles, So Long Jimmy by James Blunt, and I Can Make You A Man from Rocky Horror. I like it.**

The sun rose from its bed, slowly trundling across the vast open blankness that was the sky. Even though it was autumn in the north of the UK somewhere, a time and place that usually combine to have the foulest weather known to mankind, the sun's appearance on this day looked set to continue. The rays of light, soft and golden, left the huge gas ball and travelled across space, an eight minute journey until they reached the not so huge earth and water ball known as Earth. And those soft golden beams streamed from the sky and in through an open window, where they alightened upon a sleeping child.

"Someone turn the bloody sun off." James cracked one eye open warily, wincing and swearing when the voices in his head decided to complain. Rather strenuously.

He felt like shit. No, worse than that. He didn't know what was worse, but that was what he felt like. Every inch of his skin felt hyper sensitive. There was something sticking into his arse… his questing hand probed, and held it closer to his face… a Twiglet. Damn thing. His mouth felt like he'd eaten his own vomit, and his tongue felt like it needed to be shaved. It stuck it out and stared at it. Even though it was just a blur, it looked a strange green colour.

"_Coulda been the whiskey, mighta been the gin. Coulda been the three or fourth six pack, I don't know, but a look at the mess I'm in… my head is like a football, I think I'm gonna die… coulda a been me oh me oh my. Wasn't that a party…_" James stopped as a cushion connected with his head.

"Stop singing or I'll castrate you." James twisted his head painfully and squinted. There was a blur sat in front of him, a blur that James had seen often enough to be recognisable. Sirius was huddled up, arms wrapped around something.

"Wassat you got?" James croaked.

"Hot water bottle and ice pack."

James frowned, letting his eyes slide shut again. "Huh? Hot an' cold? They're opposites, won't work."

"Sod off. It does for me."

James sat up, holding his stomach in a desperate attempt to stop last night's party being thrown across the floor. "I feel like dying."

"Sick bag's there." Sirius didn't even bother to point.

"Huh?" James peered around, for the first time taking in his surroundings. The shapes didn't seem to make any sense though. "Where're we?"

"Common room." The new voice, cheery, healthy, and very obviously not hungover, made them both groan.

"Remus, I hate you."

"'S not fair. You should feel like shit."

Remus leant over them, placing glasses onto James' nose and bringing the world into too sharp a focus. "Oh, and I do," he said distractedly. "Watching you two feel like this makes me feel bloody awful."

"Why am I in the common room?" James held one hand to his head, thinking that maybe putting pressure on it would relieve the pain. It didn't.

"You fell asleep down here last night." Remus flopped into the chair facing them, curling his legs under him. "Sirius and I managed to get upstairs."

A throaty chuckle emanated from the mass that was Sirius, and James could have sworn he saw a blush cross the healthy cheeks of Remus. Maybe… maybe he imagined it.

"Where's Pete?"

"Wazzat?" A pile of indeterminate clothing rose slightly, revealing Peter's form. He pressed a hand to his head, and groaned. "I feel awful."

"That'll teach you to never drink again," Remus said with a condescending tone.

"That's what you think." Sirius shuffled over so that he could lean against the chair, and Remus began to stroke through his hair (AN- really must stop rhyming). "Jamie's birthday is soon, and we're having another party then."

"Nah, it's bad for my sanity."

They all turned to Peter. "Whaddya mean?"

The rat shrugged. "I had a strange dream last night. I woke up, needed the loo, went upstairs, and someone was singing in our dorm."

James noticed that Remus' hand had stopped moving, and he now looked rather pale. "What were they singing?"

Peter began to sing. Badly. "_Toucha-toucha-toucha-touch me, I want to be dirty. Thrill me chill me fulfil me, creature of the night_."

Remus leapt up. "I'm going to have breakfast. See you guys later."

James frowned. He knew something was up… all the pieces were there, and there was a little guy in the corner of his head jumping up and down waving a flag. But nothing was making sense…

"Jamie, you look constipated."

"'m thinking."

"Don't. The world might collapse."

"I'm gonna throw up." Peter's face had taken on a green tinge, and both the boys pointed at the stairs.

"Go upstairs."

The rotund boy stumbled away, and the room fell silent. James stared upwards, letting the headache strike in full force. That was the one bad point about drinking. There was the point that he could go to Madame Pomfrey, and ask her for a cure, but she'd lecture him and report him to the Headmaster. Who wouldn't exactly take to the idea of the Head Boy drinking. Everyone knew it went on, but no one was open about it.

"D'you think Lily'll ever talk to you properly?"

"Yeah. Moony's advice seems to work. We had a proper conversation the other day."

Sirius turned to look at James. "What about?"

"Her hair."

Sirius sniggered. "Very deep."

"What day is it?"

"Sunday."

James nodded, and gave a strangled scream. "It would be easier if my head just fell off, coz it wouldn't hurt as much."

Sirius nodded sagely. "_Yesterday…_"

"_All my troubles seemed so far away_."

"_Now they look as though they're here to stay_."

"_Oh I believe in yesterday_." James stretched, letting all his bones pop into position. "That always seemed such a stupid song. Obviously you've got to believe in yesterday. Otherwise, what was that what you just lived through?"

"Maybe it was a figment of your imagination." Sirius stood. "Maybe I'm not really real…" Sirius then began to act like a prat, dancing up and down and waving his hands in front of James' eyes. "Hee hee, I'm not really real… Ow!" Sirius pouted after the hit James landed on his head.

"It's too early in the goddamn day for you. I'm going to take a shower, see if that helps with my head."

Sirius collapsed into the chair, waving his hand in dismissal. "_So long, Jimmy, so long, though you only stayed a moment we all know that you're the one. Singing, so long, Jimmy, so long, sure we're glad for the experience, we miss you now you're gone_."

James pointed one finger. "Do not call me Jimmy."

---

Remus sat at the table, picking up several pancakes and sausages. He was hungry. Always was after drinking the night before.

"Remus, how the hell can you eat all of that?"

He smiled at Lily as she sat opposite him, rubbing her eyes wearily. "Quite easily."

"I know I drunk about one tenth of what you did, and yet I have a hangover and you don't."

"Guess I'm just naturally lucky."

Lily grunted. "Perhaps. Where's James and the others?"

Remus smirked as he raised a bit of pancake to his mouth. "James?"

The blush that spread across her cheeks was worth the kick she landed on his shins. "Shut it, Lupin."

"They're upstairs, nursing king size hangovers. James' tongue looked slightly green, so I'm a bit worried. Sirius seems alright."

Lily fiddled with her robe, tugging at one stray thread on her sleeve. "Yeah, well, he managed to actually get into the dorm, didn't he?"

Remus nodded, speaking with his mouth full. "Um… yeah."

"It was weird, last night."

"What bit?"

"When I went to sleep, I could have sworn I heard something howling inside the castle."

Remus began to apportion food to three other plates, anticipating the arrival of the other Marauders. "Probably just one of the ghosts."

"Mm, yeah." Lily smiled lazily. "Would never have taken you to been one to party."

"Usually, I'm not. But it was my party, and I am a Marauder. I had to get drunk." Another bite was raised to his mouth. "The others would have been very disappointed in me if I'd stayed sober the whole night."

"The other two were drunk almost straight away."

"Oh, they weren't. It's just easier for them to act drunk. When they came over to speak to you that was practically sober." The blush that crossed Lily's cheeks did not go unnoticed by the werewolf, and he smiled. "I heard James singing for you."

"He's a prat," she said automatically.

"Yes. But even prats can be loved."

She looked up in annoyance. "Remus, I do not love him."

"OK." He spoke placidly, taking another bite and slowly masticating.

"You're intolerable, you know that?" Lily took a graceful sip from her beaker. "So, I might be beginning to think that he wouldn't be the worst choice in the world."

"Haven't you got a boyfriend?"

She made a face. "Yeah. Jason Cook. _A weakling, weighing ninety-eight pounds… And soon in the gym, with a determined chin, the sweat from his pores as he works for his cause will make him glisten and gleam, and with massage and just a little bit of steam… He'll be pink and quite clean. He'll be a strong man_."

Remus smiled over his coffee. "_Oh, honey! But the wrong man!_"

Lily began to count off on her fingers. "_He'll do press-ups and chin-ups, do the snatch, clean, and jerk. He thinks dynamic tension must be hard work. Such strenuous living, I just don't understand_." She then proceeded to hit her head on the table, skilfully avoiding the plate of eggs. "I hate this singing."

"At least you can sing. And don't sound like a strangled frog."

This response made Lily lift her head. "Why? Who does?"

"Peter."  
She chuckled, and stared at Remus. "Who are you going out with?"

"No one."

"Come off it." A croissant was pointed in his direction. "I have never seen you so happy. Someone has captured the heart of Mr Remus John Lupin, and I intend to find out who."

"Well, good luck with that." Remus stood, a piece of toast in his hand. "I'm going to the library. There's a book I want to read."

**I'm going to keep on with this. Go on deviantart and set up accounts! You can post writing. And see my loverly frogs! (don't ask) I'm oz-nuriko on there.**


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